It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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