youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
