This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
