Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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