I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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