If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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