Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
