Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Text me some of your sweat
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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