I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
