look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
