Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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