My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
