Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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