You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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