"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
bring money and cleavage
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
