i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I believe in your delicious
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
