sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
