She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
