2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
