im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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