I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
