I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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