He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The air was thick with penises
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
