i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
