You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
