Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
