Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If its not for food we ain't going out.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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