after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
