Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
