o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
