Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
