god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
