Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
