OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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