if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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