I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
soo... how was my night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
