If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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