But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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