just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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