I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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