dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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