sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
