I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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