Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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