Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
