his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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