my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
