Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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