Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
