I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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