Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
