every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
