I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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