Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
