I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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