my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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