Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
