Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
