I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
