I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
