If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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