grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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