After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize