I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
