I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You're like the curious george of whores
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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