Will you blow on my dice?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize