i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
