If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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