I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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