she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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