you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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