I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
