I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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