I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize