my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
