my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
