So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
