I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
