Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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