i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
