I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i came on her dog
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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