I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
