His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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