just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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