also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
