yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
