You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
